I’ve started writing down big questions ahead of 2016. It’s my new year’s resolution. I’m ready for a year of reflection and a reprieve from a world of fast answers (how to calm a crying baby, how to toast bread properly, how to be a California girl living in Texas). Pinterest. Facebook. It’s overwhelming. I want the questions to simmer and the answers to slowly envelope me like the smell of cinnamon sticks boiling on a stove.
Good questions open us up. I want to figure out why I’ve done everything from becoming a reporter to publishing a parenting memoir while trembling. It’s like I’m swinging blindfolded at birthday party. I’m afraid of striking out, missing the piñata entirely. I am also afraid of breaking it open, candy flying and everyone starring. I’d like to get to the point where I can stand in fear and strategize. I think it’s about time. I’m in my 30’s. Up to this point; I either freeze, run or start bashing away at my dreams with a stick.
Motherhood rocked the mines of my heart in 2013 and 2015. Just by penning the questions I’ve started sifting through golden truths unearthed by great love. Why do I lose time crocheting words in my head and fail to show up in small ways for my friends and family? What do I really want for my life? How can I be a better friend/wife/daughter/sister/mother? How will I make a lasting difference? How can I serve? How will I make my family proud? Am I staying present and enjoying each day?
The New Year brings great promise. I hope one year from today I’ve answered the big questions in my life. Then I’ll finally be ready to stand in fear and do what’s best for my family without trembling.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year full of powerful questions and sweet awareness!